all i've known

How beautiful the forest appeared at night -- mysterious and deeply captivating, undoubtedly full of secrets. For centuries these trees stood, he imagined by the looks of them. What history had they seen? What do they know? Do they know at all? The thought brought a small smile to his face, as he paused to contemplate a nearby tree. He placed a paw upon its trunk, felt the gnarled bark beneath his calloused pads. Looking up, he felt small underneath its shadow. He held his gaze on its sprawling branches for a moment before lowering it.

Did the tree feel his touch? Did it feel it then when his claws began digging into the bark? Nycteus pushed himself away, stepping back from the tree. It was a living being, that was born and grows and dies like any other, that takes water and nourishment from the Earth. Perhaps it breathes, too.

He lingered for a few more moments, a breeze ruffling his wild mane. It carried with it the stench of death. He could not resist. He followed the scent. The smell of wolf down that way only fed his curiosity.

The trail brought him to a small clearing, of which a great old tree was the centerpiece. Beneath it laid the ravaged corpse of an old doe, more bone and entrails than good meat. The wolf whose scent he'd picked up on the way had already gotten to it, gnawing for whatever scraps are left.

The man was of diminutive stature and looked thin. Hungry, without a doubt. The undergrowth rustled as Nycteus emerged from the copse, casually approaching the stranger but maintaining a few yards of distance between them. "That kill's placement is suspicious, don't you think?" he said. "Looks as though someone put it here for later."

Molo

Nycteus picked up on it the moment he made his first step towards the stranger -- the tension in his muscles, the shift in the atmosphere, the way the man spun to look him in the face. That look in his eyes... they burned with a rage he kept contained, just barely. He snapped, his words harsh and unpleasant. Nycteus' expression was unchanged, save for a slight frown.

"I would not make such an assumption about a stranger," he said. Perhaps the stranger didn't think about it, or perhaps he didn't care. Hungry wolves become impulsive when there is food lying out in the open. They get brought down to their basest natures, driven by animal instincts and desires. It was easy for details like this to slip one's mind.

His gaze narrowed at the carcass before it passed over the stranger. By his defensive stance and defiant stare, he was willing to fight for this half-eaten doe. While he was small and in poor condition, Nycteus would not be one to underestimate him. A pelt that ruffled hid scars underneath. He'd been in his share of fights, and the smaller, scrappier ones tended to have the dirtiest tactics up their sleeves.

"You can relax. I'm not interested in leftovers." Though Nycteus said this, he adjusted his own stance, ready in case the stranger lashed out. "I was making you aware that its rightful owner may come for it." And depending on who that rightful owner is, that could mean trouble for the stranger.

Molo

Immediately, Nycteus was met with an accusation, the man trying to argue with him about his intentions. Nycteus really did not care for his attitude, that much apparent in his cold stare and the furrow in his brow. He might have apologized, but the man did not deserve it. "Not stupid. Just impulsive and very hungry," he said. If the stranger wished to twist this into some other insinuation, so be it. People often hear what they want to hear. Perhaps he wanted to believe Nycteus was insulting his intelligence so he'd have an excuse to be offended and fight, or perhaps he was used to hearing it from everyone else.

He said he was aware this looked like a cache, thus he was aware of what he was doing and the risks involved. "So you know, but you don't care," said Nycteus.

That sardonic tone was rubbing him the wrong way, but he was more annoyed than angry. His silver stare fixed on the stranger, he calmly took a step closer. "I came for conversation. If I make a connection or learn something new, then it is a day well spent," he said. Looking directly into the stranger's golden eyes, he continued, "I wanted to ask: are you a native?"

Molo

His words seemed to bring the stranger to a pause, his eyes softer now but his brow furrowed in concentration, as though he was considering what Nycteus had said. When he spoke, the hostility in his voice evaporated away and it all ended with a concession. "No, it is not," said Nycteus, taking a seat now that the tension's lifted. "The most intelligent of men can act on impulse. We all do, at times, whether we are driven by need, desire, or blind faith. In some situations, impulsivity is an asset, when there is no time to think, but in others, it's best to hold back." Lest one be ruled by their urges.

Restraint was something Nycteus knew very well. Too well, perhaps. At times he wished he could give in a moment and not think so much, but he hated to lose control. Perhaps there was a balance to strike, the right time to think and the right time to simply be and do.

He caught that silent nod and pressed his lips together for a moment of consideration. Stealing was something he couldn't stand but ultimately he decided to not judge the stranger too harshly. He was a smaller wolf, alone and not in peak condition. Sometimes there were few other options.

The stranger's words were slow and hesitant. He said he couldn't help much, but he was born here and knew the land, to a pack that lived not far from here. Nycteus' thoughtful gaze lingered in the direction he pointed, then his attention fell back to the shorter man. "Why did you leave?" he asked.

Molo

The stranger was listening more attentively than anticipated, judging by the perk of his ears. Nycteus was pleased to see it -- his patience had worked to smooth over what could have easily escalated terribly. He didn't come for a fight, and if his intuition served him, his counterpart did not really want one either.

The smaller wolf nodded in understanding, said it made sense but that he didn't entirely agree with what Nycteus was saying. To this, Nycteus tilted his head and prompted him to elaborate, "Why don't you agree?"

The stranger turned to expose his left side, putting on display a myriad of old wounds. No part of him was left unmarred. They tormented him, he said, burning with fury once again, just because they could. He was of low rank, likely smaller and weaker than the others. Fair game for those looking to satisfy their sadistic urges. "Would’ve been killed sooner or later. Nearly was, not too long ago. Decided to get the hell outta there after that,” he said.

"I don't blame you," said Nycteus with narrowed eyes and a frown. "I find it senseless, for packs to keep a caste of wolves valued so little the others are free to mangle them as they please, or even kill them with little consequence. It's an egregious waste. Each wolf has something offer, so long as they are given room to grow and flourish." Besides being wasteful, it was terrible for morale and the people's sense of unity and allegiance to one another. It was no wonder the other man left. No one would stay beholden to a community that does values them less than the dirt beneath one's feet.

"It is good you found the strength to leave. Your life is yours to do with as you wish. They were only holding you back from living it to the fullest," he said.

Molo

The other man was not very articulate in explaining his point of view, perhaps he wasn't expecting to be invited to do so, but Nycteus listened patiently still. He nodded at the suggestion someone could be both impulsive and stupid, then to that final question, he said, "This is true, there is overlap. On the outside, these things can look very similar. One can say and do idiotic things when they do not think first, but not thinking first does not inherently make you an idiot. Sometimes it simply means you're acting in the heat of the moment." There were many factors that went into it: emotions running high, environmental pressures... it wasn't always an empty-headedness, even if this impulsivity led to careless mistakes.

Unsurprisingly, the man's natal pack wouldn't agree with the sentiments Nycteus had expressed. The countless scars marring his pelt were proof of that. "I see. I'm not impressed," said Nycteus. "When I see a wolf degrading another to make himself feel superior, all I see is a weak ego." They are proving nothing by terrorizing the disadvantaged wolves of their group.

”What.. does that even mean? Maybe I’m free from them, but.. I don’t have any purpose, nothin’ of any real value to offer anyone. World wouldn’t be losin’ out on much if I weren’t here. Some might say it’d be for the better, even..” said the other man, sounding as though he was thinking out loud towards the end. Something he perhaps did not mean to say.

Nycteus did not like to hear such things, when people pity themselves and talk about how the world would be better off without them. "Your purpose is what you make it," he said. "I, too, could die now and it would be of little consequence. Even for those with families and status, the world will always go on after they pass. This doesn't mean our lives are worth any less. We are wolves still and that has intrinsic value." It did not matter who an individual was, where they were from, their class, or skillset. These were all superficial things that did not determine a person's worth.

"You are capable of becoming stronger, smarter, more experienced. You can find a new purpose, a new place in this world. Until then, enjoy what it has to offer," said Nycteus.

Molo

”So, like me… messing with this kill, it might be a dumb thing to do. But it doesn’t make me stupid overall,” the stranger mused, now understanding what Nycteus had been trying to explain. He nodded to these words, then the man suggested they get away from the carcass before anything happened.

"That would be for the best," said Nycteus. His eyes passed over the other man's figure and he thought back to when he first made his approach, how he only saw him get a few bites before their conversation began. No doubt he was still hungry. So Nycteus made a proposition, "How does a hunt sound? I'm beginning to work up an appetite."

The smaller wolf was quickly nodding along to what Nycteus had to say about his former packmates, seeming to feel vindicated by these words. He agreed fully. They were cowards with fragile egos and something to prove. "Specially when you’re targetin’ someone weaker, and then they still have to outnumber him anyway..."

And this helped them improve themselves and their standing, how? He wondered what went through the head of a leader who not only excused such behavior but approved and even rewarded it. He thought about it for a moment with narrowed eyes and a furrowed brow. Nycteus understood wanting to fight, to challenge himself and keep his skills sharp. He understood wanting to prove himself and his strength. Looking at the man before him, he would never have wanted to use him for these things. What would he accomplish by beating up someone like him? What would he prove?

Bringing an ally into it was even more pathetic. "If you ask me, they are the weaker ones," he said.

If there was something he understood about this man, it was that he was a survivor with greater resilience than he knew, who had the courage to stand up for himself and say that enough was enough. Nycteus remembered that fiery look in his eyes from before. He expected a fight, one he probably thought he wasn't going to win, and yet he still stood his ground.

”But if I’m gonna die someday anyway.. and nobody’s gonna know or care, the hell’s the point of doin’ anything - wouldn’t it be easier just to end it? All I’ve known is survival, just makin’ it to the next day. How am I supposed to find enjoyment.. in that?” the other man asked, his words laced with desperation.

Life without direction or a clear purpose could be so empty. Each bleak day bled into the next. There was nowhere to call home, no duties to his people or the ones he loved, no tasks that needed to be done. He knew it well himself, how lost he had been after escaping his imprisonment. It was a struggle, but falling into nihilism fixed nothing. "Life is hard and cruel and often too short, but there is much to learn from its trials, meaningful experiences to be had, and great pleasure to be found," said Nycteus. "If you've ever tasted a rich and fatty cut of meat, or watched the sunrise, or made love to a beautiful woman, you would understand. There are things that make our suffering worth it."